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Why "Ghosting" and "Maybe" Are So Draining On You

Have you noticed this "ghosting" trend too? You make plans with someone well in advance, but then they flake and cancel at the last minute? Or you meet someone new and it feels like there is great chemistry with them as either a romantic partner or a creative partner, but then they 'ghost' you - mysteriously disappearing, never again responding as though they never existed? Are you tired of being "ghosted?" This flakiness or "ghosting" as some people are calling it is a strange thing we're experiencing as a culture and I think it has to do with many things including our splintered attention. We now can communicate, message, post, reply, text, email with hundreds and thousands of people a day . . . . but that doesn't necessarily mean we have the energy to really keep up with all of that! But I also think having these multitudes of communication tools is giving us new opportunities (read - sometimes a really tricky challenge) of MAKING CLEAR CHOICES - saying "yes" or "no" to something and staying in integrity by keeping our word. What I've learned over years of working with clients, and doing loads of transformational work myself is that there is real relief and ease that come from saying 'yes' or 'no' and there's also a real drain of energy from saying maybe, or not answering or showing up.

WHY: The Zeigarnik Effect states that people remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than they remember completed tasks. And so every "maybe" that's weighing on you, and every time you don't show up, or someone else doesn't show up, it weighs on you like an incomplete task! That is why there is so much freedom and energy in making clear choices like this, learning to say "no thank you" and trusting yourself to move when you feel a clear YES!

Some Benefits of Saying "Yes" or "No"

  • This can help you realize when, even though a certain gig is lucrative, it just won't make you happy and you'll be able to say no so you're open to other opportunities when they arise.

  • This can help you let go of those roles that you didn't get because you'll be able to sense that they probably weren't right for you anyway.

  • This can help you stop wasting your time on things that didn't feel altogether in alignment with you in the first place.

  • This can help you feel good about staying in integrity - when you aren't afraid of saying "yes" or "no" then you're more likely to show up for people, have real conversations, and feel complete when you want to end one thing and begin a new chapter.

So, some tough but important questions to ask yourself today: Where are you showing up? Where can you congratulate yourself for being in integrity?

And also - Where are you "ghosting" or not showing up? And finally - What areas of your life are the "maybes" causing you to feel drained with indecision?

The "Show Up" Challenge: This week I want to challenge you to take at least one of those "maybe's" off the table and make a "yes" or "no" decision. You'll be amazed at the increase in your energy when you're able to do this!


P.S. Are you wanting to show up big time in your artistic and creative work? I've got a fun challenge for you! Take your performance into a public space! All during the month of September, Performers & Creators Lab Podcast is running a performance challenge #PACLchallenge that has great awards and prizes! Not to mention you'll feel the fun and satisfaction of challenging yourself to take your work out into the world! New piece you want to try out? Old pieces you want to practice? Think of a fun audience participation experiment? Get some friends together or go it alone and get your street performing on! Click here to learn more about the #PACLchallenge>>

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